Love liberates to give life. These words have changed my life. Love says, no matter how much I want to be with you, how much I desire to hear you, to experience things I’ve always dreamed of with you, I set those things free because I love you. Love allows me to let my child be exactly who she is and was meant to be. Love liberates.
My daughter. She hears a grain of sand, she sees particles of dust sparkle in the sunlight, she finds peace in motion and fulfillment in the repetitive feeling of sand falling through her fingers and bark crackling / peeling from a giant redwood tree. She finds comfort in piles of books that only give and ask nothing in return, stories that will live in her memory and play back like a movie for days, months. She cuddles up next to me, her forehead against mine, as if to say I am yours and you are mine.
Living life with a neurodivergent has shown me how to truly love and what it means to be free. Learning to let go of the “shoulds” the “typical” the notion of normal. To live life in the lane that was placed there for us. Our journey is unique, it is different, it is beautiful, it is us. There was a time that I would grow incredibly sad and afraid of the future…. I’d be lying if I said that there are not clouds in our life. However, life has shown me that I can choose to say no to those fears because inevitably, every cloud has a rainbow. I really does…. and for the days I can not find my way, I hold on to the kindness of people who have been my rainbow.
I can not speak for my daughter, but as a parent of an autist, I believe in magic. I believe that daily life carries moments that connect us all. Living life beyond words heightens your senses to the world around you. It is amazing the connections we can make, if we just pay attention. A touch, a glance, a shared experience…. it takes courage to step out and touch someone. To really touch them. I am grateful.